Was He Worth It?
by MsBlackAngel
Summary: Ichigo visits his old high school and rememberes what happened to a certain white-haired boy. MaleXMale, Violence, Suicide... Angsty stuff really. It's better than what I make it sound like, I promise. Rated M to be safe. One-sided IchiHitsu


'Fuck, I didn't remember that school was this far…' I thought as I kept walking. The sky was grey and looked threatening. I couldn't help but smile a little when I remembered all the mornings it was raining and I had to make my way to school from the train station.

"I guess I didn't do too well at school…" I thought out loud. 'But' I thought, now silently, 'I've always been trying to make it through with actions only…' I sighed. I've always been the kind of person to act first. I looked up and noticed that I had reached my old school. As I stood there on the schoolyard, I started remembering things about my time in high school. I remembered all the times I was bullied because of my bright orange hair, the times my friends stopped me when I was about to beat the bullies into a bloody pulps.

I took a deep breath. I moved out of town after high school so I haven't been here in a while. But…even moving out won't help me forget _him_. I looked up to the sky and noticed it was starting to rain. I walked to shelter and allowed my thoughts to wonder back to that kid. I was still thinking about him, even though I ever knew him well. As I stood there and waited for the rain to stop, I felt like the time was starting to stand still.

* * *

_Flashback_

"Kurosaki! Wake up!" I heard someone yell into my ear. I jumped up from my seat. "What? What's going on?" I asked and looked around. Ishida sighed and adjusted his glasses.

"You slept through class, again. It's lunch break. Come on, Inoue-san and the others are waiting for us." Ishida said. I stretched my arms as I followed him out of the classroom and into the cafeteria. The rest of the gang was already waiting for us on our usual table. We started walking towards them, but halfway through the café I bumped into someone. At first, I didn't know what it was, since I didn't see anything but then, when I looked down, I saw one of the shortest people I have ever met. And I had managed to bump him over.

"Sorry I didn't watch where I was going, are you alright?" I asked as I reached my hand out to him. The boy took it and I pulled him up. When he got back to his feet, I took a moment to watch him. He was actually kind of cute. He was short, he had huge teal-blue eyes and his hair was pure white. He dusted himself off before looking at me.

"I'm alright thanks. And I'm sorry too, I should've watched where I was going" he said. I was taken back a bit. His voice was somehow…melodic. I just nodded and gave him a small smile.

"Next time, watch where you're going, okay?" I said to him. He smirked – 'Oh god his smile is gorgeous' – and told me the same thing before walking off. I couldn't help myself- I stared at him as he walked to his friends.

'That ass…' I unconsciously licked my lips before I was cruelly brought back to reality by one of my best friends.

"What the hell Rukia?" I yelled as I held my head after the girl smacked me with her English textbook.

"Same to you! You stared at the poor boy like you were going to rape him!"

"No I didn't!" I said to her before looking at the boy who was now laughing with hi friends.

"Do you know who he is?" I asked Rukia. The small girl looked at me, obviously amused.

"He's waaay out of your league strawberry" she said to me, patting my arm. I looked at her bitterly.

"Just give ne his name." I said. Rukia looked at me for a while before answering.

"Toshiro Hitsugaya."

* * *

_The next day_

"Iiiiiiiiiiiiichigoooooo~!"

I raised my head when I heard Keigo call my name. He was running towards me, followed by Rukia, Renji and Mizuiro. I dodged Keigos attempted glomp before asking "What's up?" I heard Keigo whining, but decided to ignore him.

"We were planning on going clubbing tonight, wanna come with us?" Renji asked me. I gave him a wide smirk.

"You have to ask?"

_After school_

I was sitting on a bench at the train station, waiting for my train to come. I was listening to my iPod, humming the melody and tapping my foot in time with the drums. I glanced around and almost fell from the bench when I saw who was standing only a few meters away from me. He was facing away from me, but that unruly white hair was unmistakable. I had never seen Toshiro at the station before. I looked at him for a while before I made a decision. I got up from the bench and walked to him.

"I didn't know you came to school by train too" I said as I reached him. He turned around to face me and smirked.

"I didn't know you took the train either, I've never seen you here" he said to me. I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Never seen me? How can you miss this orange hair?" I asked him and he giggled. ('Oh my fucking god, he's adorable!') We chatted for a while before I finally collected myself.

"Hey, me and my friends are going clubbing tonight. Wanna come with us?" I asked him. He looked at me before opening his mouth.

"What time, where and can I bring my friends?" he asked and I smirked widely.

'This is gonna be so much fun…'

* * *

_10:15 pm, Downtown Karakura_

_Club Las Noches_

"You did WHAT?" I winced when I heard Rukia yell. "What do you mean you asked him to join with us?" The small girl screamed into my ear. It was actually fun to watch: Rukia was royally pissed, but Keigo, Renji and the rest of the men in our group were overjoyed when they heard that Toshiro was bringing his friends with him. His best friend was a woman with a HUGE bosom; I think her name was Ran…Rangiku…Matsumoto? Anyway, I could hardly blame the guys for being excited. Then, suddenly, I felt someone attack me from behind and cover my eyes.

"Guess who?" the person asked. I smirked: I could recognize that voice anywhere.

"I'm glad you could make it Toshiro" I said, and the boy let me go, pouting a little. ('Ohmigod, he's so adorable!') I shook my head a little to clear my thoughts. When I managed to clear my head, I looked at Toshiro. I almost got a boner from just looking at him. He was wearing a tight black tank top, tight leather pants and (leather) shoes. I felt my jaw drop as I looked at him. He tilted his head a little.

"Something wrong?" he asked and I just shook my head as a no. He smirked.

"Then why are we standing here? Let's go in!" he exclaimed, grabbed my arm and started pulling me inside. The rest of the gang followed us inside the club. We found our way through the crowd and sat on a table near the bar. Rangiku had already walked there, and Toshiro sighed when he noticed it.

"Hisagi, I'm putting you in charge of Matsumoto: I am NOT going to help her home when she gets drunk." he said to the man with a '69' tattoo on his face. Hisagi just nodded, but it was obvious he didn't mind one bit. Renji came back from the bar soon, along with our drinks. We just sat there and chatted for a while before Toshiro suddenly got up and pulled a few of his friends to the dance floor with him. I watched them dance from afar, feeling a bit jealous. After a few drinks, I made up my mind and got up from my seat. I walked out to the dance floor and searched through the crowd for Toshiro. After 15 minutes of searching in vain I walked back to our table.

"Hey did anyone see where Toshiro went?" I asked as I reached the table. Hisagi looked up from his drink and looked at me.

"He left with some guy he met at the bar." he answered me. After hearing this, I had to sit down.

'He left? With a weird man?' I thought. "What kind of man?" I asked Hisagi.

"Some older guy with almost silver hair and this creepy grin on his face… Oh, and his eyes we're closed. I was actually wondering how he sees anything…" the raven haired man told me. I just grabbed a drink and started sipping it. I lost my party mood.

The next day, Rukia told me that Toshiro had started dating that guy from the club.

* * *

_A month later_

"Hey has anyone seen Toshiro today?" Rangiku asked us when she reached our table in the café. We all looked at her with puzzled looks.

"Now that you mention it I haven't seen him today." Hisagi said. "I wonder where he is…" Just as Hisagi said that, I saw a familiar white fluff at the café door. I waved to get his attention. He soon noticed me and started walking toward us.

"Speak of the devil, we were just wondering where you were…Oh my GOD!"

We all had to look up when Rangiku screamed loud enough to wake the dead. Everyone gasped loudly as they noticed why Rangiku had screamed. Toshiro's face was covered in bruises and cuts; his left eye was hidden behind a huge black and blue bruise. He was wearing a black long-sleeved sweater, but even so I saw the bandages on his arms. The next few minutes were a complete chaos when everyone started asking questions at the same time. Once it got quiet again, Toshiro took a deep breath.

".Tell me. Right. !" Rangiku demanded. Everyone flinched: we had never seen Rangiku like this before. "Who did this?" the buxom woman demanded and Toshiro started looking a bit nervous.

"I-it was G-Gin…" Toshiro finally muttered. I took a deep breath through my nose. Gin was the guy Toshiro met at the club. "But you don't have to worry about me! He swore he wouldn't hurt me anymore." the boy told us. I couldn't believe my own ears. Toshiro had always been a proud person and –from what I had gathered from his friends- he wasn't the kind of person to just silently take all this. I looked at Toshiro, and I saw sadness in his eyes. Then he looked up and smiled as much as he could from his wounds.

"I'm fine guys." he said. I snorted quietly.

'Liar'

_Three months later_

"Okay, who else thinks this is getting out of hand?"

"This has been getting out of hand since he got the first bruises."

"We need to make him understand that this Gin is not worth all this."

I sighed. The gang was trying to come up with a plan to get Toshiro to break up with Gin. It wasn't an easy task because the boy insisted that Gin wouldn't hurt him anymore.

'Yeah, right' I thought. Toshiro had been dating this Gin for four months now, and the abuse had only gotten worse since the first time. I sighed. Toshiro could do so much better than that bastard. And, speak of the devil, I saw the white-haired boy walk into the classroom we were sitting in. He looked really depressed. He walked to us and sat down to his chair. When Rangiku asked him what was wrong, I could see the small tears form into his eyes even if he was facing the floor. He didn't answer Rangiku. He didn't tell us what was wrong, and we stopped asking when the teacher came in and started the class.

After class I talked to him and asked if his mood had something to do with Gin. He just offered me a weak smile and told me that Gin was acting calmer these days. I didn't buy it. Hurt was written all over his face when he left.

The next day, Toshiro didn't come to school. Rangiku had managed to get him to tell her what was wrong. The answer shocked us all.

Toshiro had cancer.

_A week later_

I haven't seen Toshiro since our last conversation. And according to Rangiku and the others, he doesn't even answer his phone. That's why I was surprised when I saw him walk into the classroom. I growled quietly: he had even more bruises than the last time I saw him. He sat down to his chair, a few seats away from me. There was something wrong: he seemed even more depressed than the last time I saw him. He was pale and I could see silent tears run down his face. He looked somehow… bitter.

After school, I wanted to talk to him and ask what was wrong, but when I was packing my bag after last class, I heard some guys yell something to Toshiro.

"Hey, maybe you can find a better man over here sweetie!" they yelled. Toshiro turned away from them and walked out of the classroom. I could see tears running down his face. I got up from my seat and went after him. But he was already gone. I ran into the gang in the main hall and we walked to the train station together.

When we got there, I immediately noticed a familiar cloud of white hair. Toshiro was standing close to the edge of the platform, and even from afar, I could see that he was still crying. We started walking toward him. When we were halfway there, an express train came to the station. I was helpless. I was standing five meters away from him but I couldn't even move a muscle. Everything looked like it was played in slow motion.

The train coming closer to the platform.

Toshiro raising his head, tears staining his gorgeous face.

Train coming to the platform.

Toshiro jumping in front of it.

It felt like the time had stopped. It seemed like forever before the train hit the small boy. And all any of us could do was to stand still and watch. All I could see was the blood that splattered from under the train to the platform. The train stopped about hundred meters after crushing Toshiro underneath it. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. It was like watching a film that was stuck on replay: the same scene playing over and over again. I could hear Rangiku cry and scream. I could feel a police officer grab my arm and pull me away.

That was the last time I saw the little white-haired angel.

_End of Flashback_

"Oi, Ichigo! You in there?"

I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard my lover call me. I looked up and stared right into his cyan blue eyes. I could see worry in them.

"Hey, are you alright?" he asked me and touched my cheek. That's when I realized that I was crying. I wiped the tears away before looking back at him.

"I'm alright Grimm. I just remembered…" I trailed off. I realized that not one of us had mentioned him after he passed away. I hadn't even told Grimmjow- my lover- about what had happened. I opened my mouth to speak, but I was cut off.

"If it made you cry, it's better you don't tell me what I was." he told me. I smiled to him and he pulled me into a hug. I leaned up to kiss him. To that kiss I poured everything I was feeling. Gratitude. Sorrow. Love.

Even the love that I had once lost.

When we parted, I looked up to Grimmjow and opened my mouth.

"You know what I would love to ask him?" I said, even though I knew Grimmjow didn't know who I was talking about. He shook his head a little and I smiled sadly.

"Was he worth it?"

* * *

Me: *sob*

Toshiro: Must you make me suffer so much?

Me: I'm sorry! I just can't help it! *cries*

Toshiro: Besides, I thought you told Lambtron that this wouldn't be IchiHitsu fic. You lied to her.

Me: No I didn't. This is one-sided IchiHitsu. That doesn't count.

Toshiro: It's the same thing… Oh, whatever, I'm wasting my time with you.

Me: Again, my dear readers, I don't own Bleach. Our master Tite Kubo does.

Toshiro: Please give her reviews!

Me: Later!


End file.
